When I was in eighth grade I tried out for the cheerleading squad. I had no particular tumbling skill and I was frequently told to speak up because I was soft spoken. You probably guessed how those tryouts went. As I sit back and remember it I had a pretty clear moment during my individual floor cheer as I was finishing up what seemed like senseless yelling. I proceeded to run off the floor with what I think are called spirits hands and cheering something like “ Lets go Cardinals, Whohoo!” I recall being winded, unengaged and tired. The thought “what am I doing?” was definitely present between all my out of breath attempts at cheering. At the end of tryouts they post a list of who made it. Each girl more excited than the last to see they were chosen. I of course was not on that list. To be honest, for good reason because I really wasn’t a fit for cheer. However, I still felt that awful feeling of rejection as I looked at the sheet. It doesn’t intend to speak over you that you’re not enough, you’re irrelevant or not wanted but, somehow it does. Fast forward to my senior year of high school when I was elected to be on the sweetheart dance court. I believe there were four of us girls standing infront of a room full of people on the gym floor at the dance awaiting the voting results for who would be crowned king and queen. At this time it feels like all eyes are on you as you wait to hear if you were chosen. Everyone is snapping pictures and the anticipation or anxiety grows. Then the name is called. As I watched someone else being crowned while I was still standing in front of everyone, those same thoughts circled yet again; your unwanted, your irrelevant and your not enough. If you live any length of time , it’s inevitable you will be faced with rejection and disappointment . It could look very different for you; maybe it was a friendship, a divorce, a negative pregnancy test, you were passed over for a job, an absent parent, you didn’t make the team, your ideas were not chosen, you didn’t get accepted into that school or program. My point is rejection and disappointment comes in all shapes and sizes as well as a list of identifiers that if you’re not careful can become the way you view yourself, your identity.
I love PSALM 139. This, before anything else, is your identifier. God formed you when no one else, not even your mother knew you. He formed your inward parts . He knit you together. God intricately designed you to be who you are. You were made on purpose for a purpose. He knows everyday that has been formed for you. Are you seeing what I’m seeing? You are in no way irrelevant. How can you be? He formed you, the creator of everything. You are not unwanted. He chose you. He intentionally knit you together. You are not forgotten. He knows when you sit down and when you rise up. He knows your thoughts before you even speak them. Psalm 139 says there is no where you can go that he is not with you. We must believe this truth about ourselves and be very careful to live through this identity because it’s the truest thing about you. Any other repeating thoughts are unworthy of your mind space. In John 10:10 Jesus is speaking to the Jews regarding his role as a shepherd. He also says the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy but he has come to give us life and give it abundantly. Whenever you have felt rejected , unloved, unwanted, or irrelevant did those thoughts feel life giving or did they feel destructive and kill your spirit? Those are not from the Father. If I live out of the untruths I allow myself to believe it destroys my worth. In full transparency I recently experienced this. I was overlooked or not chosen for something that I really thought was a place I should have been. I did let those feelings start to confuse my identity. Was I not chosen because I wasn’t “good enough”? Maybe I was irrelevant as a choice? I started to feel forgotten and unseen. Then I was reminded of Psalm 139 and where my identity rests. I saw once again my identity and worth is in HIM regardless of my circumstances. Even when I’m not picked, I’m chosen. Even when I’m not invited, I’m not forgotten. Even when I feel alone, he is with me. Even when I feel irrelevant I know he intricately made me and I will never be irrelevant to HIM. He is where I find my identity. I pray I continue to live out of this truth as life will continue to have disappointments and rejections. Because of the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ that girl who didnt see her name on the cheer list was still chosen and that girl who didn’t get crowned as queen at the dance is the daughter of the KING.
- When things don’t go as expected, what is the dialog you have internally with yourself? Does this align with what God says about you?
- Read PSALM 139; 23-24. Pray this asking if he would reveal to you things that are untrue about yourself that you have believed. Ask him to give you a fresh perspective on his heart for you.
- Cut out some time and really dwell in PSALM 139; 13-16. How does this passage speak to you personally?
If I could sit down with you I would tell you the beauty and extent to which these verses have spoken to me. I would tell you how I feel seen, loved, known and set apart by Jesus. He loved me when I felt unlovable. He saw me when I felt invisible. He comforted me when I felt hurt. He chose me when I felt unworthy. He protected my heart and mind when the world around me felt destructive. If you’re reading this he’s done the same for you.
Deuteronomy 10:15
Ephesians 1:5
Titus 3:5
1 Peter 1; 3-7
Psalm 139
Jeremiah 1:5
1 Samuel 16: 6-7
1 John 4:4
Living -Watered 